The Pick-Up Trip

The pick-up trip was very difficult.

In some ways, we would probably like to forget it, but in other ways, it's good to look back and see how far we've come since then.

We left for Bulgaria on July 19 on an overnight flight from Dulles to Frankfurt and on to Sofia. Our flights were smooth and uneventful. We were met at the airport by our Bulgarian agency and an Italian couple who were also on their second trip to pick up their son.

Naomi and Simon

On our first trip to Bulgaria, we had a wonderful guide and translator who got to know the children and told us what she thought we could expect on our second trip and our first weeks and months at home.

We knew that they would both be experiencing great grief, fear, and loss when we picked them up. Though they had been with us for a week in February and had Skyped with us almost weekly since then, they were now trusting us with their lives and that was difficult for both of them. 

Everything we experienced with them was normal for children in their situation, but it was still difficult. They went from a tiny village to a big city (Sofia is home to more than 1 million people), from people who knew them very well to people who they didn't really know them at all, and who didn't speak much of their language. 

They did improve each day, which gave us hope and encouraged us, and since they have been home, many of the behaviors we saw in Sofia have disappeared.

Our days in Bulgaria

Our days included many of the same activities and we tried to have some kind of routine to make things easier for the kids, but it definitely became tedious. We usually had some combination of: walk to the park, take a metro ride to a walking area or park, swim in the hotel pool, have a picnic at the park (lunch, dinner, or both), and most days some kind of adoption paperwork related errand with the agency in Bulgaria.

We would've loved to enjoy some traditional Bulgarian food in restaurants, but the kids just couldn't handle it. The first restaurants they went to were during our first trip in February and they just had no idea how to behave in a restaurant. So, we ended up ordering room service, ordering delivery, or getting inexpensive street food for a picnic in the park. It definitely helped our budget since a slice of pizza is 1 lev (70 cents) but it got old after awhile.

Naomi and Simon had never been swimming. Simon said he had once 'seen' a pool, so it was all totally new for them. Todd and I didn't pack swim suits, so we all headed to the mall to get suits so we could enjoy the hotel pool. In Europe, that means Speedos for the guys. Todd tweeted a photo of him and Simon wearing theirs and it was re-tweeted by a Speedo enthusiast!

We got to know the lifeguards at the pool since we were there often, and we also stood out as Americans with Bulgarian kids. The first lifeguard we met had a Bulgarian friend who lived in the States for the past few years. In Virginia. In Roanoke. What are the chances of that? He had fallen out of touch with the friend and we didn't see him again to try to exchange contact information, but it was still pretty cool. I had been kind of grumbling to God about being kicked out of the apartment and put up in a hotel where it was harder to feed the kids, etc., and that day we met a guy who has a Bulgarian friend in Roanoke.

The visa delay

One of the hardest times we had was finding out that we would be in Bulgaria 'indefinitely' because the U.S. State Department system for issuing passports and visas had crashed and it took them a few days to get it up and running, and then additional time to deal with the backlog. 

We were first told it would likely be a few extra days. When we went for our actual visa appointment at the Embassy, they said everything was back on schedule. Then the day we were supposed to get our visas (less than 24 hours before our flights were scheduled to leave), we were told that the system was down again and it could be "days or weeks." 

That was directly from the U.S. Embassy. I was shocked that such an important system could fail and they would have no idea when it would be up and running again. The U.S. Embassy told us to put our return tickets 'on hold' until we got the visas. Unfortunately, no such thing exists unless you pay full fare, and if you have that much money, you're not worried about the tickets anyway!

It was really hard to tell M and E that we were going to be delayed. Leaving them at home was hard for all of us, and we were all disappointed that the trip was going to be extended.

We ended up getting the visas only one day late and were very blessed to find four tickets on Austrian Air. Unfortunately, the people on the plane with us were not exactly blessed by our presence. I've heard worse stories on adoption blogs and Facebook, but Naomi had three different screaming fits, each lasting about 15 minutes. 

Two started with the same trigger - she had to put on her seat belt. The fasten seat belt light would come on, we would tell her to put it on and she would refuse, then we would ask a flight attendant to tell her to put it on, thinking that they looked 'official' in uniform. That would work initially, but only for a few minutes and she would scream about it. The other episode was about food. Naomi spent some time in an orphanage (we are not sure how long) and food can be a trigger for her. She saw another passenger being served a special meal, ahead of the rest of us, and could not understand that she would be fed too, but had to wait. Once people around us found out why she was screaming, I think (hope?) they were sympathetic, and at least it was a daytime flight, not an overnight, but I'm sure it was no fun to listen to.

Supporting each other

On the Saturday we were in Sofia, we organized a meet up with four other American families who were there picking up their children. One couple from Texas had just arrived and had not yet picked up their children, one mom from Minnesota had been stuck for a few days already with the visa delay, one mom and a friend from Washington were there picking up her daughter, and a couple from South Dakota picked up their daughter earlier in the week.

It was so nice to speak English, see some friendly faces, and support and encourage each other. There is a pretty active Bulgarian adoptions Facebook page where people share information, ask questions, and support one another.

Finally home

After the longest flight of our lives (it actually was since Vienna is farther east than other airports!) we arrived in Dulles and had to wait in the non-U.S. citizen passport control line for two hours to process the kids' visas. Other times I've traveled overseas, I never paid much attention to the non-U.S. line and just breezed through the line for my home country. Even in other countries, I don't think I've waited more than 15 or 20 minutes. I hated that this was international visitors' first impression of America but mostly I hated waiting in that line for so long.

While we were waiting in line, Naomi and Simon kept talking about Sofia. We finally made it to the parking lot shuttle bus and told them we were in America. They seemed surprised and excited, so we wondered if the airports looked similar to them and they thought that we went through the long flight just to end up back in Sofia!

Originally we were going to land at Dulles around noon and drive home. With the change in tickets, we landed later and didn't leave the airport until after 5 p.m. I have no idea how Todd stayed awake to drive us home but I'm glad he did. 

The family together

The children met each other around 9 that evening (July 31). They were all excited after knowing each other only on Skype for the previous five months. Todd and I were glad to be home, but knew that the following weeks would be hard work.

Names

I've read that 80% to 90% of parents who adopt a child (internationally or domestically) change their name. I think there are many reasons for this, but it's probably mostly done to mark a new beginning for the child.

Before we went on our first trip, we weren't sure what we were going to do about names for R and S. Their names are pronounced the way they are spelled, so they would translate easily enough to English, and we talked a little bit about names, but not very much. We researched their Bulgarian names, but did not find a lot of details.

We were leaning toward keeping their names until we spoke with our translator about it and she gave us some very valuable insight. R and S have 'baby' names. They are not names you would typically hear for a Bulgarian adult and are meant more as childhood nicknames, or terms of endearment, not adult names. Kind of like naming your child "Billy" (as his legal name) instead of naming him William and just calling him Billy.

This was sad to think about, because their birth mother was so young when she had the children. She probably didn't have a concept of what an adult name was and I'm sure she did the best she could. Knowing this made it easier to change the children's names. 

R will be Naomi Renee. Naomi means sweet and gentle, which describes her disposition, although she is currently going through the normal grieving process of leaving her foster home and is not always sweet and gentle with Todd and I. Renee means born again and is the English (or French) version of her Bulgarian name.

S will be Simon Alexander. Simon means one who hears from God. Alexander means defender of men, which seems to fit his personality, and his Bulgarian name is a nickname for Alexander.

We wanted to choose names that reflected their heritage and their given names, as well as their personalities. We also wanted to name them so that if they prefer to keep their Bulgarian names as a nickname when they are older, they'll be able to do so.

I think we chose well, even though we had to declare their names (for paperwork) back in February after knowing them for only 3 days. We are trying to remember to call them their American/English names, but it's hard after calling them their Bulgarian names for so long!