One Year

Once in a while, I'll run into someone in the local grocery store or the Y or somewhere else and they'll talk about something I mentioned on the blog or just say that they enjoy reading it. Usually I'm a little surprised that people actually read the blog and it makes me smile. Lately, my response has been, "oh...that's right...I have a blog."

The one year anniversary of Naomi and Simon coming to America seems like a good time to do an update. The blog initially began as a way to communicate with people in the weeks and months leading up to their homecoming, and it was a fundraising tool. Then it became a way to update people far and near about the challenges we were facing during the initial transition. 

Now, I hope it will be a way to celebrate how far we've all come, talk honestly about the challenges ahead, and provide information and hope to others in various parts of the adoption process. I certainly don't have all the answers and most of the time our daily family life would not be an inspiration to anyone, but we have been through some things that all adoptive families go through, and the more we all share strategies and support each other, the better life can be.

For today, let's celebrate how far we've all come.

Bonding and Attachment

This is the big thing everyone talks about with adoption. Overall, I think we've done about as well as we could one year in. That's the feedback we get from our family counselor and social worker. Naomi and Simon look to us as their parents, for comfort, safety, and to meet their basic needs. We love them, they are a part of our family forever, and they bring us joy.

Before we brought them home, I thought this process would be something that had an end date, i.e. "spend the first six months at home attaching." Now I realize it is going to be a life-long process. That's a little discouraging some days because it can be exhausting and not natural to me; it's hopeful on other days because it means we have time and grace to work on it.

Miles, Ella, and Simon all have a pretty good bond with each other. It can be more difficult with Naomi since her intellectual disabilities make it harder for her to understand how to join in their play and how to act at times. I hope more of that will come, but it's going to take time.

English

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me how hard the language barrier was...well, I'd either re-do the kitchen or take a trip to Paris. Naomi and Simon went to school after being home about 3 weeks. That wasn't our original plan, but we are very glad we did it. They got immersed in English and picked it up very quickly. There are still working on it but it didn't take long to master the basics. And I have to take a moment and talk about how WONDERFUL the teachers and staff at Green Valley were for the kids. They truly went above and beyond from the very beginning to meet their needs and help them integrate into life in an American school. They love school and can't wait to get back in 22 days, 21 hours, and 30 minutes. (Not that I'm counting...)

We Don't Do That in America

Oh, the stories we could tell...but I don't want to embarrass them. Let's just say life in a small village in one of the poorest countries in the EU is different from life in an American suburb. They just had to learn to do a lot of things differently. 

In Our Family...

...we take turns
...we share
...we don't hurt people or things
...there is enough love for everyone
...there is enough food for everyone

And the list grows as new issues come up. The things that our bio kids know from just being with us since birth and having their needs met by us have to be taught to the adopted kids. It can be mentally and emotionally exhausting but we do see progress.

Behavior

We were all a little shocked at some of the behaviors we had to deal with on our pick-up trip and their first months home. All 'normal' for adopted kids, but certainly not what any of us were used to. There has been much improvement over the past year - most of the time, they don't behave like they used to at all. In fact, some times they act like they've been here a lot longer, and I forget that they still need some of the structure and help with self control we put into place when we were really struggling.

Some of their behaviors trigger things in me that I didn't know lay under the surface. Reading Parenting from the Inside Out and seeing a counselor have helped deal with that and respond in better ways to the kids.

I need to remember how far they've come. Last fall, I wouldn't have dreamed of taking all four of them somewhere by myself or the younger two shopping at Kroger or the mall. Now it's just normal. There is still preparation, contingency plans, and a very short shopping list, but it can be done.

Simon used to wake up at least once at night looking for comfort and that mostly stopped a few months ago. Until he had his tonsils out - see below. Part of the reason he would wake was also the sleep apnea symptoms created by his huge tonsils. 

Tonsils

Simon had his tonsils out nine days ago. With the help of our family counselor, we prepared him pretty well and I think it went about as well as it could have. About five days in, when he was waking every two to three hours screaming, we decided to try some stronger painkillers. Well, he STILL woke up every two to three hours. 

It wasn't physical pain he was dealing with, it was emotional pain and fear. (I'll write a separate post for those of you with adopted kiddos on how we dealt with the pre- and post-surgery stuff.) He has regressed these past few days into behavior we haven't seen since he first came home. But, I think we have enough of a bond that we were able to talk with him about how when he first got here, he was scared and acted out. Then he got less scared and didn't act that way until the tonsil surgery scared him again. So, instead of dealing with his physical pain, we're dealing with the fear and emotions behind it and have seen improvement.

Health

Both kids are in good health. They were considered pretty healthy by international adoption standards, but were both overweight due to poor nutrition. The best we could tell, based on how they acted during the pick-up trip, their diet consisted of processed meats, sugar, and chips. Both foster families had gardens and they probably got a lot of good vegetables during the growing season, but in a small village they didn't have many options.

When Simon got here, he devoured fruits and vegetables. It was like his body just craved the nutrition. Naomi especially still struggles with wanting to eat what others have, regardless of whether she's just eaten or even likes the food. This is probably just a part of how she was wired in her early life. We don't really know what kind of deprivation she experienced. It's hard not to be annoyed at times when she asks for her third or fourth snack, just because someone else is eating, then doesn't actually eat it, but I need to remind myself that it comes from a place of fear.

Struggle

There have been many times in the past year (not as much lately) that I told Todd, "I can't do this. It's too hard." Many nights that I've gone to bed absolutely sure I couldn't do it for another day. Yet I get up the next morning and do what needs to be done. The Christian-y thing to say would be that God's mercies are new every morning or that He will give you strength to do what he's called you to.

But the truth is I've wondered about the goodness of God, and at times the realness of God, a lot over the past year. Why is this so hard? Where is God in this? Is He real? Has He forgotten about me? 

I see posts from other adoptive parents about how everything is bliss and the kids seem like they've 'always' been a part of their family. And I feel like I'm failing. I know that's not true and that there are many more adoptive parents like me who are in the trenches every day and just don't have the words (or time) to talk about what's happening. And I hope admitting this will make some other adoptive parent out there not feel alone in their struggle.

Now What?

I still struggle. I think God is real and led us to this adoption. I wanted to adopt long before I met Todd and the two of us agreed to it before we were married. It is something we wanted and felt called to do. The details of how it all worked out seemed obviously supernatural. I know the answer is to draw closer to God and not keep him at arm's length, to access the power He promises, but it's been hard to believe His goodness, His provision, His strength, and His love. 

I know intellectually that the struggle will draw us closer to each other, give the bio kids valuable skills for life, and at some point be a testament to God's goodness and provision, but it's difficult to hold that intellectual knowledge close or have it top-of-mind when someone is screaming at you or hitting you or just upsetting the delicate balance of family dynamics.

We survived the first year, and in many ways thrived. One of the bio kids (maybe both) said the other day that in some ways it seems like it's only been a few months and in other ways it seems like it's been longer. 

What now? We keep on keeping on. We talk to our family counselor every two weeks to deal with issues as they come up. We're intentional and persistent. We make sure the bio kids are not lost in the shuffle. We take respite when and where we can get it. We ask for help. We realize it's a marathon, not a sprint, and pace ourselves accordingly.

Our Parenting Resources

We were kind of stumped on some of the kids' behavior issues and some of the family dynamics we're experiencing. How can we make it better for everyone? More pleasant? More quiet? Less stressful? More joyful? Did I mention more quiet?! 

Someone recently asked if we felt prepared before the adoption to take on these children and the answer is: yes...and no. We took classes, read books, and studied techniques, but I'm not sure anything can prepare you for the day-to-day reality of it, and much of it depends on the dynamics between family members, for which you can't totally prepare.

Also, since our children were in foster care, I thought they might not have some of the behaviors seen in 'children from hard places.' I was wrong. Certainly their behaviors are not as intense as what I read about on other blogs or Facebook groups, but the underlying trauma of loss, abandonment, fear, and insecurity is still there and creates issues for them. I just didn't expect it to be so different from parenting biological children, but scientific research and anecdotal evidence clearly says it is, and many of the techniques required don't come naturally to Todd and me.

Here are four things we're doing to help us:

1. We are watching a video on a parenting technique called TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention). The video is from the TCU Institute of Child Development and I highly recommend it. We haven't quite finished the four-hour video. It's pretty intense stuff to watch, but it's already been very helpful. One of my favorite lines from it is, "this is not parenting as usual." It's therapeutic parenting, which requires a lot of energy, patience, wisdom, and help.

2. We watched a movie called The Dark Matter of Love. It's about a family in Wisconsin who adopts three children from Russia and the adjustment period for the parents, an older biological daughter, and the adopted children. In some ways, it was like watching our life on screen and we laughed at many parts that wouldn't be funny to anyone else. The movie shows their family life over the first year they are home, and is also a science lesson in parent-child attachment with a UVA specialist, Dr. Robert Marvin. It was comforting to see that though our struggles at times seem big, they are 'normal' for adopted children and families. 

3 A counselor who specializes in international adoptions visited our home a couple of weeks ago. For brevity sake, we call her Super Nanny since she filmed the family interacting. She is trained in TBRI and trained with Dr. Marvin at UVA, so she knows her stuff. (If anyone in Virginia would like her name, please message me via the blog or Facebook.) She said that Simon and Naomi are doing well in the attachment arena. At one point I said, "but they're on their best behavior! You aren't seeing their worst moments." And she said, "at least they have best behavior. Many children I work with couldn't do this activity for 10 seconds, much less 30 minutes." So, we have much work to do with them, and it will be a lifelong process, but at least we are starting from a place of strength and have a bond on which to grow.

4. I'm helping to organize an Empowered to Connect simulcast in Roanoke. Empowered to Connect conferences are a partnership between the child development people at TCU (Karyn Purvis who wrote The Connected Child) and Show Hope, an orphan advocacy organization. The conferences are supposed to be wonderful and this is the first time they are offering a simulcast, so I'm very excited about it.

I hope some of this is helpful to others on this journey - whether you are preparing to bring children home, have them home already, know someone who is adopting, or even need resources for your biological children.

The Desires of Your Heart

When you apply for an adoption, your homestudy has to state the age, gender, and special needs of the child or children you want to adopt. Our homestudy said that we wanted to adopt either a girl between the ages of 18 months and 7 years old or a boy and girl who are siblings between the ages of 18 months and 7 years old. Following that, there is a long list of special needs we were open to considering.

We talked about adopting children even before we were married, but never had detailed discussions until we began filling out paperwork. It turned out we both thought a boy-girl sibling group would work well with our family, so it was easy to commit to that in the homestudy.

During the time we waited for a referral, I thought we would probably be referred just one child, a girl. There were reasons for this. I didn't see many sibling groups in our age range on the waiting children list, and we had repeatedly been told that sibling groups do not come up for adoption as often as single children. 

But the real reason? The real reason was I didn't trust God to give me the desire of my heart. I was setting myself up not to be disappointed if we were referred one child, since the picture of adoption for me had always been a brother and sister. (And in that picture, the girl was older than the boy...exactly like Naomi and Simon.)

I believe God does give us the desires of our heart, though sometimes he does that by changing our desires rather than giving us what we originally thought we wanted. [What about suffering? Hardships? Illness? Are we supposed to desire those things? The short answer is no, we shouldn't desire suffering or even enjoy it. But we can feel God's love in the midst of it.] 

I have seen time and time again that when God puts a good desire on my heart, he makes it come to fruition, whether that means arranging circumstances, providing financially, or giving me strength in things that don't come naturally.

Parenting is hard these days. Some wise friends who have gone on this journey ahead of us have said things like, "it's never perfect, but it's good." I know there is no way I'll have the words, the patience, the kindness, the love, or the understanding that all four children need. But I know that since God put the desire for adoption on my heart, He'll give me those things, too, if I let him. If I can be still and let Him work rather than trying so hard to do it in my own strength, my own timing, and with my own expectations. Letting go of my performance-oriented mindset to just love them and let God work through me is hard, but it's the only way.

Random Thoughts 2.20.2015

It's been one of those weeks...the kids have been out of school all week, so I haven't had much time to think, much less put coherent words together to make a blog post. Actually, even when the kids are in school, it can be hard! So, I'm going to copy another blogger I like and just throw out some random thoughts, since I know many of our readers supported us in many ways (prayer, financial, etc.) through the adoption and want to know how everyone is doing. So, here goes...

1. One concern we've had is how we would handle the kids in the summer. I've read over and over that adopted kids thrive on routine and that summers can be difficult. One thing this week out of school has shown me is that it won't be as bad as I thought! Yes, it's hard and tiring, and I will need to create structure for the day when it doesn't exist, but we did better than expected this week.

2. Of course, it could all fall apart in the next five minutes.

3. The kids all had more electronics than I would like this week. At least the little ones were watching PBS and it was neat to hear them talking back to the TV during shows like Super Why, but still...I'll need to plan more to make sure the summer isn't one big electronic fest.

4. If I want to enroll the kids in some summer programs, I need to get a job! Unfortunately, the county does not offer summer school for young children. It's all driven by SOLs, etc. 

5. Naomi was diagnosed by her OT with Sensory Processing Disorder. It wasn't a surprise after what the OT said during her evaluation, but it does mean some challenges for her (and us). Luckily, the OT she worked with was very good and we just set up some sessions with her. Please pray our insurance will cover it - most don't with this diagnosis.

6. Naomi has a child study meeting next week. The whole IEP arena is new to us, so I feel a little unprepared to advocate for her, but her school has been amazing so far, so I'm trusting they will continue to support her.

7. Super Nanny is coming next week. Not really, but that's the name Todd has given a counselor who is coming to see us. She specializes in internationally adopted children and is going to videotape our interactions with the kids, hence the Super Nanny name. We are struggling with the best way to respond to some of their behaviors and help them. We could keep stumbling through and wait awhile, but we want to make home life more pleasant for every one, so we're getting some help.

8. Todd has made a dinner reservation for tomorrow night and his mom is coming in town to watch the kids. It's a surprise - I love surprises - and I'm hoping the weather cooperates.

Groundhog Day

Even though I grew up in Pennsylvania, I've never been much of a Groundhog Day fan. It always seemed a little silly - I don't remember a February where there WASN'T at least six more weeks of winter. And I can never remember if seeing the shadow means more or less winter. And it's always cloudy in PA in February, so how can Phil see a shadow with no sun...you get the idea.

One of our older children mentioned the movie Groundhog Day the other day. They had seen part of it (but not from the beginning) so they didn't quite 'get' it. You really do need to see it from the beginning, and see the progression of the Bill Murray character, to understand it.

The mention of the movie and Groundhog Day got me thinking about the progress we're making at home. Many days feel Groundhog Day-ish (the movie) to me. The same thing, over and over. Naomi teases Simon. Simon hits Naomi. Naomi screams. Simon apologizes. Naomi laughs at him when he apologizes. Simon gets mad that she can't seem to stop laughing/teasing at inappropriate times. Repeat. Same thing the next day (or the next hour). Again.

If I look back to where we were six months ago, there is a definite improvement. It's just hard to see it or feel it in the day-to-day. I don't remember the entire Groundhog Day movie, but it seems that Bill Murray's character, through living those quotidian details over and over, gets the 'hang' of life and changes for the better. 

So, rather than get frustrated by the sameness of it all, I'm trying to see each day as an opportunity to change their character for the better, even though many days it feels like we are 'stuck' in the same pattern of behavior. By working on our responses and trying different things, we are seeing different behaviors in the children, slowly but surely.

Update: Six Months Home

We brought Naomi and Simon home on July 31, 2014. We were supposed to arrive a day earlier but were delayed by a worldwide outage in the U.S. passport and visa computer system. It left many adoptive families 'in limbo' in other countries while they waited for visas for their children to be printed. 

For most of the adoption process, I thought just getting the kids home was the goal we were working toward. Completing the paperwork, raising money, getting the house ready. I now know that getting them home was really just the beginning of a long transition process. 

Six months home seems like a pretty big milestone - half a year. In some ways, it seems like a long time and in other ways, it's gone by quickly. So, for those of you home less than six months or looking for encouragement, hang in there. Stay the course. Day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute some days, but you will get there and some things will get easier.

Yesterday someone asked me how long they had been home and when I said six months, they said, "well, that's hardly any time at all." Many days feel incredibly long, but she's right. In their whole lifetime or even childhood, six months is not much time, and I should probably use that attitude to adjust some of my expectations of them.

Language

We knew that learning a new language, especially when immersed, was usually pretty easy for kids Naomi and Simon's ages. Many people asked us, "do they speak any English?" and were slightly horrified when we answered, "no, not a bit," but we weren't worried. We probably learned more Bulgarian than most adoptive parents (according to folks in Bulgaria) since there were two of them and we didn't want them conspiring against us. 

Overall, language has come quickly to them and I'm pretty sure they understand most (if not all) of what we say. So, no more talking about them in front of them! Simon especially can carry on a conversation, explain activities or feelings, and sometimes help us understand Naomi. Naomi's speech has come more slowly, but we think they both have already surpassed their Bulgarian vocabulary and grammar based on what translators in Bulgaria told us.

Simon can recognize most letters and is starting to read a bit, which is pretty amazing if you think about how he had never seen an American alphabet six months ago. He at least realizes that letters stand for sounds that make up words, which I think is a big part of learning to read. Naomi still struggles with retaining information and it will be a long road for her. Her school has been wonderful in providing extra help and now that she knows enough English, she will soon have some formal testing done so we know how to best help her.

Routine and Behavior

Both Naomi and Simon have settled into a pretty good routine at home and at school. They understand our expectations and we often say, "this is how we do things (or more often, don't do things) in our family." That being said, they do not always agree with our expectations or want to follow our directions. We continue to work on behaviors that are probably more common in toddlers than school-age children and I have to remind myself that is considered normal for adopted kids.

There are also cultural differences. It's difficult to change behaviors that were ingrained in them since birth or soon after. We often say, "in America..." to try to explain why things are different or we say, "if you did that at school, what would happen?" Because while they may not want to obey us, they definitely don't want to disappoint their teachers or have a visit to the principal!

Family Relations

For the last few years, Naomi and Simon lived in separate foster families in the same small village. So while they knew they were brother and sister, they probably only had a vague sense of what that meant and they are not used to living together. Or playing together. Or eating together. Or riding in the car together. Like many siblings close in age (10.5 months apart), they can be each other's best friends and each other's worst enemies. Not only do they have to get used to a new country, new parents, and new older siblings, they need to get used to each other. This wasn't something we really thought much about before bringing them home and it has been a challenge.

Considering what a huge change this is, Miles and Ella have done very well. We all mourn the loss of our old life together and have tried to maintain some of our old traditions and take the older ones out for 'dates' most weekends, even if it's just to ride along on errands Todd and I have to do. And the little ones are usually in bed by 7:45 so that gives us some quiet time with the older two.

Attachment

Attachment is the big thing people talk about in adopted kids. Are they attached to you? Are you attached to them? Some people recommend "cocooning" for the first six months home - not letting the children go to school or church or much of anywhere - you just stay home and bond. Others recommend getting them into school and a routine as soon as possible. 

We chose to send Naomi and Simon to school when it began about a month after they arrived home and it was definitely the right decision for us. It allows them to be in a routine, which they definitely need; to learn English more quickly, which helps them in their bonding to us; and it gives me time to do the things I couldn't do with them in tow, like shop for groceries, exercise, and other errands and appointments.

Since they went to school right away, we have kept their world small in other ways. They aren't in any after-school activities, haven't been to Kroger or other big stores, and have attended church on a fairly limited basis. Now that it's been six months, we'll begin to expand their world a bit, but we'll do it slowly and purposefully.

So, are they attached? Not fully, and I that's OK. I think they mostly trust us to provide for their basic needs and to take care of them, which is a big step. Of course, some days they think Sponge Bob is a basic need and we have to disagree. Are we attached to them? Not fully, and that's OK, too. It takes time and it's hard and it may never feel like it does with our biological children, and that's OK, too. Not that we shouldn't strive for that and help them in any way we can, but it's a process that takes time. (And energy. And patience. And letting go of expectations and the need to be in control. But that's another blog post.)

The Next Six Months

We are getting connected with various support groups and counselors to help us parent all the children the best we can and to help them through whatever issues arise. Naomi will be tested for learning disabilities and we will probably get an IEP in place that will address whatever her issues are. We've already been for an occupational therapy evaluation and are waiting on the written results to schedule ongoing appointments. I will need to come up with a plan for this summer. They will need some kind of structure and routine, which is not one of my strengths, so I'll need help.

And we'll continue to plug away at understanding them, loving them, and making them a part of our family.

Holidays and Seeing Progress

We weren't sure how everyone would handle the holidays but overall it went well.

Bulgaria has a Santa-type character who Naomi and Simon knew, but they couldn't really give us any details about how they celebrated Christmas. I asked if Santa brought gifts and Simon said he got a cat who later died and Naomi said she got a chicken. Based on what we know about their foster homes and lifestyle, it's possible.

The holidays were different for Miles and Ella this year, too. They had to share our family traditions with two new siblings and that had to be hard. We tried to be understanding and respectful of how difficult it would be for them and they handled it very well. We did our usual things - cookie decorating, live nativity, Christmas light tour, church on Christmas Eve, Christmas music playing in the house - and Naomi and Simon did well with the increased activity and change in routine.

Both younger children heard about American Santa at school. They were a little bit concerned about a big stranger breaking into the house overnight, but we assured them that they were safe. Also, in our family, Santa only fills the stockings by the fireplace downstairs so he has no need to come upstairs where we are sleeping. 

Travel

Most years we travel to Pennsylvania right after Christmas to spend time with my family. I have two younger brothers with five children between them, so getting everyone together is lots of fun. (At least I think it's fun, but I'm not the one with 15 extra people at my house for a few days!)

My parents have a great house for kids and Miles and Ella have always enjoyed time there. This year was even better - my parents finished part of their basement so the kids had even more room to play, and we pulled out roll-aways and cots at night so they could all sleep down there. Cousin heaven. It was especially nice since there wasn't any snow for the kids to go sledding. There was a floor hockey / dodge ball area, model train, air hockey, scooters, toys, and a disco ball. For the most part, we only saw them if they got hungry and they all got along very well.

Naomi and Simon didn't sleep downstairs. They weren't totally comfortable with the idea and the first night they wouldn't be quiet, so we brought them upstairs. But the other seven cousins slept down there - sneaking candy and iPads and telling fart jokes and causing a parent to go down every 10 minutes to say, "be quiet and go to sleep or else!" The stuff cousin memories are made of!

Progress

It's difficult to see how far the kids have come sometimes. I've been told to look back a few months to appreciate how much progress has been made, but it's hard when you're in the trenches of parenting. I guess it's kind of like how you don't think your child has grown much, but someone who hasn't seen them for a few months talks about how tall they look or how much they've changed.

A few people in PA commented about how Naomi and Simon just fit right in and started playing and how amazing that was. They had spent some time with my mom and dad but had not met anyone else in the family, so I guess it is pretty great that they felt comfortable enough to jump right in with the cousins and find their way around a new house. 

They have come a long way, but it's hard work and I can be easily discouraged or annoyed by some of their behaviors. You can pray that I'll find supernatural patience and grace for them in 2015!

Funny Moments

A lot of what we deal with on a day-to-day basis is heavy stuff. The drama in the house created by the grief and loss Naomi and Simon feel can be intense at times. But thankfully we also have many moments of lightness and humor. This stuff may only be funny to us - maybe you have to be there? - but I'm posting it in case you find it funny, too, and so you know we can enjoy ourselves in the midst of the hard times.

Staples

Naomi and Simon love staples. I had to go to Staples to buy more staples after they had been home a couple of weeks. How often do you buy staples? They come in packs of something like 100,000 and you lose them or move houses before you run out, but not with these kids. The stapling fetish has died down a lot, but that first month they wanted to put multiple staples in every piece of paper they could get their hands on. 

After a month or so at school, I had to write a note to a teacher saying, "Sorry this is all stapled together. Child loves to staple." The return note said, "I was wondering why [as an English Language Learner] they knew the word stapler so well."

Bass / Bus

Somehow the little kids heard the song "All About That Bass." They came home from school singing it, except it sounded like, "all about the bus, about the bus, no trouble." So that's the version we sing in our house, except it's "all about the bus, about the bus, no getting in trouble" because there is often trouble on the bus.

Pork chop

Simon has kind of a stocky or husky build, which is pretty common in Bulgaria. (Or at least he did - he's grown an inch and gotten a little slimmer since being here.) Todd decided a good nickname for him would be "pork chop." He must have used it mostly when Simon was misbehaving or getting in trouble.

One day, Simon was mad at me for something. I can't remember what it was but I probably wouldn't let him do something he wanted to do. He was yelling at me and the insult he chose was, "you pork chop!" So, that was the end of that nickname.

My Village

Two weeks ago we had a visit from the social worker who did our home study. Bulgaria requires post-adoption reports at three, six, 12, 18, and 24 months after the children arrive home.

We really enjoy the visits with our social worker. She is very knowledgeable about the issues adopted children and families face in their first months and years at home and always has good suggestions and ideas for us. She will get to know Naomi and Simon well over the next two years as she follows and documents their journey and will be a great source of help to us.

This got me thinking about how great our support system is. In addition to our home study social worker, we have a social worker at our placing agency (the actual 'adoption agency' who facilitates everything with Bulgaria) whose only job is to offer post-adoption support to families who have adopted children from Bulgaria. She is an adoptive mom herself and I've had a couple of very long conversations with her that have been helpful and insightful.

I also started thinking of all the adoptive moms I know who I could call at anytime for advice. There were close to 10. Other moms who know what we're going through and can offer specific advice or just say, "I know, I've been there." In addition to those adoptive moms, there are just as many other friends who would be willing to help in any way they could - friends who brought meals, hand-me-down clothes, drove the big kids to activities, etc. 

The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" became popular when Hillary Clinton wrote a book with that title and it may or may not be a loose translation of an African proverb. It seems that when I hear it most often, people are lamenting the loss of the village mentality. 

It's true that now many people don't live in the same town (or state) as their parents and people tend to keep to themselves more in neighborhoods. But - you can make your own village - it just takes some work, being open and vulnerable, and admitting you need help. (Not always easy for this independent-minded girl.)

I know some people who are in the 'waiting' phase of adoption read this blog, and I just want to encourage you to make a village. Or even if you are home already with adopted children. Ask for help. Find other adoptive moms and have coffee. Tell people how hard it is and think of specific ways they can help you. We are not meant to go it alone, your village is eager to help.

You Don't Understand Me!

Naomi and Simon have both done a great job learning English, both in understanding us at home and in being able to express themselves. If I stop to think about it, it was really very brave of them to go to school after only being with us a month. The school here is much different than their preschool in Bulgaria, and they were thrown into an environment where they had to get along in English. I think about what I would do in a similar situation - it must have been exhausting and frustrating for them but they have done well, worked hard, and enjoy going to school. 

There are only a few words they still say in Bulgarian, and mostly just out of habit. They know the English but I guess it's just easier to use Bulgarian. Words like: I love you, Look!, Dangerous, Broken. Actually - those were some of the words Todd and I used a lot when we first met them!

They are both speaking in sentences and phrases now and one of their favorites is, "You don't understand me!" They will ask for something - Halloween candy before breakfast; watch Sponge Bob before school in the morning; go outside right this minute, not in 5 minutes - that kind of thing. When I tell them, "no," they say, "You don't understand me!" and I say, "Yes, I do understand you, but I'm telling you no."

It's kind of cute, but it got me thinking. Naomi and Simon have mastered elementary English as far as making their basic needs known, telling us about their day, expressing themselves, and words they need to play. But we really don't understand them. We don't understand all they've been through; we don't understand what it feels like to be abandoned; we don't understand living with the uncertainty of whether or not the people who take care of you will abandon you again, or send you somewhere else to live, or be nice to you, or love you, or remember your birthday.

And until they feel safe, and get a little older, and learn even more English so they can express some of that to us, it's hard for us to understand and help them work through their feelings. All we can do right now is provide a home and a family where they can begin to feel safe, have their needs met, and feel love. I need to remind myself of all they've been through and lower my expectations of them at times. 

I need to remember that when they ask for yet another snack, or piece of paper, or something to be stapled (they love staples), what they are really asking is: will she take care of me? will she love me? will she understand me?

Update: Three Months Home

We came home with Naomi and Simon three months ago today. In looking at photos from our trip to Bulgaria or even the first day of school at the end of August, they look like different children. It's good to look back and see that as a reminder of how far they've come.

My apologies for not updating the blog very often. We appreciate everyone who has supported us through the adoption process and we still need your prayers, so I should keep you all updated...but life tends to get in the way. And even if I find the time, there are so many things I could write about, it's hard to put together a concise, coherent blog post! So, today is a random sort of update that will hopefully encourage me to post more often.

Language

Both Naomi and Simon are picking up English well and are both speaking in full sentences at times. There are a few words and phrases that they still say in Bulgarian, but mostly they speak English, even with each other. They definitely understand more than they can say, which is normal for picking up a new language. They have great support at school and it feels like their teachers and helpers and even the administration is really involved in their learning and encouraging them. I'm so thankful for the school! We weren't sure about enrolling them after they had only been home one month, but they love it, the routine is good for them, and they are getting excellent help. 

The Toddler Years...Again

Sometimes I need to remind myself just how different life is for them here than in Bulgaria. Simple things that most of us teach our kids as toddlers, or they just pick up from living with a family from birth, they need to be taught. They really are like toddlers in many of their habits, which can be frustrating to all of us, but according to adoption experts is perfectly normal.

You Want Me to Do What?!?

This week has been interesting at school for both Naomi and Simon. They both had field trips to a pumpkin patch, which was great fun for both of them since they lived in a very rural setting in Bulgaria. Other things are harder to explain - you want me to wear pajamas to school? Simon was pretty upset by that until he saw everyone else doing it. I knew it would be a morning battle, but also didn't want him to feel left out if he was the only Kindergarten student not in PJs. Wearing a costume today was a little bit easier to explain. The word costume is the same in Bulgarian and I think they got that everyone would dress up since every day at school this week had a different dress-up theme. Todd was trying to explain trick-or-treat to them this morning. I'm sure they'll do fine with it by following the lead of their big brother and big sister. The problem will come tomorrow or next Friday or next month when they want to do it again! Sorry, kids, only once a year.

The Noise

Naomi and Simon are both loud. Just naturally louder than the rest of us, even when they aren't trying to be. We are trying to teach them to be more quiet, but I think it's going to take time and patience and us modelling for them. I wish I had a dollar for every time I yelled, "be quiet!" Ummmm...obviously yelling at them to be quiet isn't good modelling of being quiet, but how else would they hear me?

Being in the trenches of this adjustment is difficult, but we do see many positive changes (in all of us) over the past three months. Many (social workers, books, blogs) say that the first 3 to 6 months are the most difficult and I believe it. But I also see that this is going to be a lifelong process of nurturing them, attaching to them (and them to us), and not forgetting about Miles and Ella in the process. It is definitely a marathon and not a sprint.

Getting Started

Have you ever had a situation where you know that if you can just muster up the energy to get through the next few days or even weeks, things will calm down in the end? Then you'll have a few days of down time before the busyness begins again.

Like when all your kids have a sports banquet, a game to which you must bring snacks, a party at school that you agreed to come up with a game or activity for, and friend's birthday party, all in the same week. 

That's kind of what life feels like right now. Except there isn't an end in sight at the moment, there is no calm after the storm. I'm guessing this is partly the 'new normal' that I'll need to get used to with four children. But it's also partly figuring out how to make our new family, our new life 'work.'

All along the adoption process, we worked toward bringing the children home. It is definitely a milestone we'll celebrate in the years to come, and it's important. But until I lived it, I didn't quite grasp that it's really just the beginning. And it's huge - much bigger than I can even imagine, like one of those cut-away images of an iceberg where you think you can see it all, but there is so, so much more under the surface.

Even though we've been home for seven weeks, we are really just beginning the process of getting to know each other, of figuring out how to make this work, of how to help all four children find their 'place' in the family, adjust to each other, and know they are loved.

Don't get me wrong - we have all come a long way in the nearly two months we've been together and life looks nothing like it did the 10 days in Bulgaria or the first week at home. 

But what I've realized this week (partly in talking to other adoptive moms) is that the attachment and bonding process, and the process of essentially creating a new family dynamic, is not something to which we can assign an end date or expectations.

Really, we're just getting started.

The First Five Weeks

We picked up Naomi and Simon from the social services office on July 21 and came home on July 31, so they have been in the U.S. for five weeks and with us almost seven weeks.

The past couple of months have been very hard, yet the children are all doing 'well' according to what is considered normal in the adoption world. When people ask me how it's going, it's hard to explain. It's very hard at times, yet we can't really expect them to be doing much better at this point. "It just takes time," everyone says.

That's not an answer I usually like to hear. I like to work at things to make them better. If I do X, then Y will happen. If we have A in place, then we can get to Z by the end of the week or month. Results. I should know by now that children do not always follow my neat little plans, and especially now, when all four children are grieving losses from the life they used to know.

So, I do my best, try to 'be there' for everyone, and wait. Our adoption agency told us that the first three months are all about survival. (Similar to having a newborn!) I do feel like we're doing better than just surviving, but it's still hard work and I need to not put too many expectations on their progress, whether with learning English (for Naomi and Simon) or getting along (for everyone).

School

Originally we planned to keep Naomi and Simon home for a few months to adjust to life here before enrolling them in school. However, when we were in Bulgaria, we got some very strong advice to go ahead and enroll them for language and socialization purposes. People who work with adopted children all the time and who knew them best said that they would adjust and attach to us more quickly if they went to school. They both really enjoy school, and we can tell their language is improving dramatically just over the past two weeks. And, they have not tried to pull away from us since school began, which is a positive sign.

Our neighborhood school has all the services and help the kids need - ESL, speech therapy, instructional assistants. I am thankful that we are in the neighborhood for this school. The staff and teachers have been fabulous with making the kids feel welcome and doing their best to help them.

So, what do I do all day when they are in school? Basically, I get ready for the onslaught of homework, activities, dinner, bath, and bed. Naomi and Simon cannot really be left unsupervised for long depending on how they are getting along, so I do all the laundry, cleaning, meal prep, shopping, etc. while they are gone. And, I try to get some exercise and have some down time. Todd will go back to work part-time next week, so I will still have him here to help during those after school hours, and I'm hoping that by the time he goes back full-time, we will be in a pretty smooth routine that I can handle on my own.

We appreciate everyone who has prayed for us and supported us during the process to bring Naomi and Simon home. The hard work has just begun, though, so keep on praying - we are thankful for you!

The Pick-Up Trip

The pick-up trip was very difficult.

In some ways, we would probably like to forget it, but in other ways, it's good to look back and see how far we've come since then.

We left for Bulgaria on July 19 on an overnight flight from Dulles to Frankfurt and on to Sofia. Our flights were smooth and uneventful. We were met at the airport by our Bulgarian agency and an Italian couple who were also on their second trip to pick up their son.

Naomi and Simon

On our first trip to Bulgaria, we had a wonderful guide and translator who got to know the children and told us what she thought we could expect on our second trip and our first weeks and months at home.

We knew that they would both be experiencing great grief, fear, and loss when we picked them up. Though they had been with us for a week in February and had Skyped with us almost weekly since then, they were now trusting us with their lives and that was difficult for both of them. 

Everything we experienced with them was normal for children in their situation, but it was still difficult. They went from a tiny village to a big city (Sofia is home to more than 1 million people), from people who knew them very well to people who they didn't really know them at all, and who didn't speak much of their language. 

They did improve each day, which gave us hope and encouraged us, and since they have been home, many of the behaviors we saw in Sofia have disappeared.

Our days in Bulgaria

Our days included many of the same activities and we tried to have some kind of routine to make things easier for the kids, but it definitely became tedious. We usually had some combination of: walk to the park, take a metro ride to a walking area or park, swim in the hotel pool, have a picnic at the park (lunch, dinner, or both), and most days some kind of adoption paperwork related errand with the agency in Bulgaria.

We would've loved to enjoy some traditional Bulgarian food in restaurants, but the kids just couldn't handle it. The first restaurants they went to were during our first trip in February and they just had no idea how to behave in a restaurant. So, we ended up ordering room service, ordering delivery, or getting inexpensive street food for a picnic in the park. It definitely helped our budget since a slice of pizza is 1 lev (70 cents) but it got old after awhile.

Naomi and Simon had never been swimming. Simon said he had once 'seen' a pool, so it was all totally new for them. Todd and I didn't pack swim suits, so we all headed to the mall to get suits so we could enjoy the hotel pool. In Europe, that means Speedos for the guys. Todd tweeted a photo of him and Simon wearing theirs and it was re-tweeted by a Speedo enthusiast!

We got to know the lifeguards at the pool since we were there often, and we also stood out as Americans with Bulgarian kids. The first lifeguard we met had a Bulgarian friend who lived in the States for the past few years. In Virginia. In Roanoke. What are the chances of that? He had fallen out of touch with the friend and we didn't see him again to try to exchange contact information, but it was still pretty cool. I had been kind of grumbling to God about being kicked out of the apartment and put up in a hotel where it was harder to feed the kids, etc., and that day we met a guy who has a Bulgarian friend in Roanoke.

The visa delay

One of the hardest times we had was finding out that we would be in Bulgaria 'indefinitely' because the U.S. State Department system for issuing passports and visas had crashed and it took them a few days to get it up and running, and then additional time to deal with the backlog. 

We were first told it would likely be a few extra days. When we went for our actual visa appointment at the Embassy, they said everything was back on schedule. Then the day we were supposed to get our visas (less than 24 hours before our flights were scheduled to leave), we were told that the system was down again and it could be "days or weeks." 

That was directly from the U.S. Embassy. I was shocked that such an important system could fail and they would have no idea when it would be up and running again. The U.S. Embassy told us to put our return tickets 'on hold' until we got the visas. Unfortunately, no such thing exists unless you pay full fare, and if you have that much money, you're not worried about the tickets anyway!

It was really hard to tell M and E that we were going to be delayed. Leaving them at home was hard for all of us, and we were all disappointed that the trip was going to be extended.

We ended up getting the visas only one day late and were very blessed to find four tickets on Austrian Air. Unfortunately, the people on the plane with us were not exactly blessed by our presence. I've heard worse stories on adoption blogs and Facebook, but Naomi had three different screaming fits, each lasting about 15 minutes. 

Two started with the same trigger - she had to put on her seat belt. The fasten seat belt light would come on, we would tell her to put it on and she would refuse, then we would ask a flight attendant to tell her to put it on, thinking that they looked 'official' in uniform. That would work initially, but only for a few minutes and she would scream about it. The other episode was about food. Naomi spent some time in an orphanage (we are not sure how long) and food can be a trigger for her. She saw another passenger being served a special meal, ahead of the rest of us, and could not understand that she would be fed too, but had to wait. Once people around us found out why she was screaming, I think (hope?) they were sympathetic, and at least it was a daytime flight, not an overnight, but I'm sure it was no fun to listen to.

Supporting each other

On the Saturday we were in Sofia, we organized a meet up with four other American families who were there picking up their children. One couple from Texas had just arrived and had not yet picked up their children, one mom from Minnesota had been stuck for a few days already with the visa delay, one mom and a friend from Washington were there picking up her daughter, and a couple from South Dakota picked up their daughter earlier in the week.

It was so nice to speak English, see some friendly faces, and support and encourage each other. There is a pretty active Bulgarian adoptions Facebook page where people share information, ask questions, and support one another.

Finally home

After the longest flight of our lives (it actually was since Vienna is farther east than other airports!) we arrived in Dulles and had to wait in the non-U.S. citizen passport control line for two hours to process the kids' visas. Other times I've traveled overseas, I never paid much attention to the non-U.S. line and just breezed through the line for my home country. Even in other countries, I don't think I've waited more than 15 or 20 minutes. I hated that this was international visitors' first impression of America but mostly I hated waiting in that line for so long.

While we were waiting in line, Naomi and Simon kept talking about Sofia. We finally made it to the parking lot shuttle bus and told them we were in America. They seemed surprised and excited, so we wondered if the airports looked similar to them and they thought that we went through the long flight just to end up back in Sofia!

Originally we were going to land at Dulles around noon and drive home. With the change in tickets, we landed later and didn't leave the airport until after 5 p.m. I have no idea how Todd stayed awake to drive us home but I'm glad he did. 

The family together

The children met each other around 9 that evening (July 31). They were all excited after knowing each other only on Skype for the previous five months. Todd and I were glad to be home, but knew that the following weeks would be hard work.

Names

I've read that 80% to 90% of parents who adopt a child (internationally or domestically) change their name. I think there are many reasons for this, but it's probably mostly done to mark a new beginning for the child.

Before we went on our first trip, we weren't sure what we were going to do about names for R and S. Their names are pronounced the way they are spelled, so they would translate easily enough to English, and we talked a little bit about names, but not very much. We researched their Bulgarian names, but did not find a lot of details.

We were leaning toward keeping their names until we spoke with our translator about it and she gave us some very valuable insight. R and S have 'baby' names. They are not names you would typically hear for a Bulgarian adult and are meant more as childhood nicknames, or terms of endearment, not adult names. Kind of like naming your child "Billy" (as his legal name) instead of naming him William and just calling him Billy.

This was sad to think about, because their birth mother was so young when she had the children. She probably didn't have a concept of what an adult name was and I'm sure she did the best she could. Knowing this made it easier to change the children's names. 

R will be Naomi Renee. Naomi means sweet and gentle, which describes her disposition, although she is currently going through the normal grieving process of leaving her foster home and is not always sweet and gentle with Todd and I. Renee means born again and is the English (or French) version of her Bulgarian name.

S will be Simon Alexander. Simon means one who hears from God. Alexander means defender of men, which seems to fit his personality, and his Bulgarian name is a nickname for Alexander.

We wanted to choose names that reflected their heritage and their given names, as well as their personalities. We also wanted to name them so that if they prefer to keep their Bulgarian names as a nickname when they are older, they'll be able to do so.

I think we chose well, even though we had to declare their names (for paperwork) back in February after knowing them for only 3 days. We are trying to remember to call them their American/English names, but it's hard after calling them their Bulgarian names for so long!

What We've Been Up To: Part 3 - Getting Ready

Part three of what we've been up to...

Preparing the house for R and S

Since M and S will share a room and E and R will share a room, we've been working to make space for R and S. A shelf on a bookshelf. Half a closet. Dresser drawers. We don't have a ton of space to give them, but I want R and S to feel like they belong here, not that they are long-term guests. 

We've put pictures of R and S wherever we have pictures of M and E, and I've tried to make everything recent photos rather than baby photos. We still have some de-cluttering work to do and some work in the playroom, but I think things are coming together pretty nicely. R and S have seen their beds a couple of times on our Skype calls and they seem happy and excited. I'm also going to make some movies of the house that we can watch while we're in Bulgaria.

Preparing our hearts for R and S

As I said in the last post, it's going to be really hard at first. We know that, and part of me isn't looking forward to it, but it's all part of the process. I feel like I've loved these kids as my own since I first saw their pictures and first heard about them, so that will make it easier. I can't explain it; I think it's a work of God - he put the desire on our hearts to adopt and is faithful to fill our hearts with the love, grace, and patience we'll need.

Please pray for us, especially while we're in Bulgaria and when we are first home with them. All adoption experts recommend "cocooning" with the children for the first couple months at home. That means we won't be going a lot of places with them - mostly staying home and building trust with them by meeting their basic needs and showing them love. 

So, be patient if it is months until you meet the children - it's in their best interest. If you are wondering how you can help, feel free to contact me about bringing a meal, going to the store for us, or taking M and E to do something fun or to one of their activities. If you are out of town, or can't do those things, just pray for us!

The process of bringing these children home is kind of like giving birth. You prepare a lot of things ahead of time, but you really don't know what you are getting in to, or what you might need, until the children are here. We're as ready as we can be.

What We've Been Up To: Part 2 - Vacations and Saying Yes

Part two of what we've been up to...

Vacation

In June, we were able to go on the annual beach vacation with Todd's family to Ocean Isle Beach, NC. We thought we wouldn't be able to do it this year, but it worked out that we were able to go. It was nice to have the time away and now that the kids are older, a beach vacation is actually relaxing! It was nice to have the time with Miles and Ella and do some of our traditional beach things (mini-golf, ice cream, souvenir shopping) with them one more time before adding other children into the mix. We were also there for Todd's birthday and went to Broadway at the Beach and rode a high-speed "jet boat." It's basically a high-powered speed boat that goes fast and spins around. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was really fun. I highly recommend it!

Saying 'Yes' to M and E

I don't know if there is really a way to prepare any of us for the next few months of life. When R and S come home, it's going to be really hard. That's all there is to it. They will miss their foster families, have to deal with new sights, sounds, smells, and tastes, and won't understand our language and how we do things. 

All that is to say that we will likely be telling M and E 'no' a lot - no, we can't go out to eat; no, we can't go shopping; no, you can't play video games or watch TV right now. So, for the last few months, we've been trying to say 'yes' a lot. We haven't changed any rules about acceptable behavior or let them run wild, or lay in bed all day, but we've made a conscious effort to say yes to their requests instead of saying no.

They are both going to be great older siblings and talk about R and S a lot. They have also gotten out of bed at 7 a.m. on Thursdays to Skype with them - in the summer, that is nice to see!

What We've Been Up To: Part 1 - Counting our Blessings

Once again, my apologies for waiting so long between posts. I don't know how professional bloggers do it - both live life and blog about it - sometimes it seems like there aren't enough hours in the day for both! I started to write a post about what we've been up to, and it got so long, I decided to divide it into 3 posts. Here's part one.

Counting our blessings

Todd and I first talked about adopting even before we were married, so we always paid attention to adoption stories and know a lot of people who have adopted. One thing was always clear - no matter how you do it, adoption is expensive. In our case, with the adoption of siblings, it would cost at least $55,000 just to bring the children home. That doesn't include beds, clothes, toys, shoes, and post-adoption reports.

We started saving for the adoption and getting our finances in order before we began our home study paperwork. We knew it would be expensive, that we would have to make sacrifices, and that we would have to do fundraising because there was no way we could raise all the money ourselves. Todd started teaching online classes to raise money, and we put off vacations, big purchases, and house repairs to save for the adoption.

In the end of April, we were talking about some adoption finances at dinner and Todd asked me how much money we had left in our adoption account. 

"Fifty dollars," was my reply. 

"How much do we need?" he asked. 

"At least $25,000, probably closer to $30,000."

M and E were very concerned - how are we going to pay for the adoption? How are we going to bring R and S home? (Then they offered to give us some of their money. Very cute and appreciated, but we told them to save it.) We told them that we didn't know, but that God would provide a way and that when he did, it would be a really neat story to tell R and S someday. That God so wanted them to be with us, that he did some incredible work to raise the money we needed. And he did.

• Our Both Hands project raised $20,073.09
• We received grants from Show Hope, Gift of Adoption, A Child Waits, Brittany's Hope, and our church
• We raised money with a yard sale and jewelry sale
• People sent us money and gift cards

People have been so generous. And not just people we know. Strangers who said, "keep the change" at our yard sale. Friends of friends who have never even met us and live halfway across the country. Friends of our parents who we've never met and will likely never even meet our children. Donors who give to grant organizations so families like ours can bring home orphans. Just like all the adoption expenses added up to a huge expense, all the donations add up to a huge blessing, and we now have the money we need to pay the final adoption expenses and take our trip to bring R and S home!

Thank you.

One Month

Apologies that the blog has been kind of quiet the last two weeks!

One month from today we will land in Sofia, Bulgaria to bring R and S home! We have our travel dates - we leave July 19 (land in Bulgaria the next day) and return home on July 30. We are looking forward to the travel part of the trip - we like to travel and experience new cultures, new food, and different sights and sounds. We're not looking forward to leaving M and E for 10 days, but it's all part of the process.

Originally we planned to bring M and E on this trip with us, but after we took the first trip and got a glimpse of how difficult the second trip would be, we decided against it. There are some logistical reasons - the apartment we'll stay in only has two bedrooms; the cars will ride in don't easily accommodate six passengers, a driver, and their stuff; and, there are some appointments (doctor, U.S. Embassy) where technically M and E are not supposed to be present.

There are other reasons not to bring them. R and S are going to require a lot of energy, patience, and attention. And in another country, with different food, smells, customs, etc., M and E would require a lot of attention, too. Not to mention everyone (including us) being 'off' for a few days because of jet lag. I hope that someday (if R and S want to), we can all take a trip back to Bulgaria, but it will depend on their personalities and desire to travel - we won't insist on it.

This will be time for us to bond with R and S and begin building the bonds of trust that will lead to attachment. That sounds kind of lofty, but what it really means is helping them meet their basic needs, comforting them when they need it, and helping them grieve the loss of their foster families. It's going to be difficult, especially with the language barrier, and it will be key to building our relationships with the kids.

Great news, not so great news, and silver linings

A post from Todd:

First the great news. On Tuesday, we "passed court." In adoption lingo, that means R and S are legally our children! They just happen to live in another country. It is great to know they are officially ours. Thank you for your prayers for this important milestone.

On Friday evening we got some not so great news. All along, we've been told to expect to travel sometime in June. A couple of weeks ago, May was even a possibility. But things have changed and we are now looking at mid to late July. As you can imagine, this is a disappointment to us, as we had already made preliminary plans for who would come take care of M and E while we were away, how we would spend the rest of the summer as R and S adjusted to life in our family, how/when we would consider getting them into school and learning English here, etc. But God has other plans.

In Bulgaria, after adoptive parents pass court, they wait for a court decree to be printed before finalizing travel dates. That was taking about a week or two weeks at the longest. People who adopt from Bulgaria have always expressed frustration at this part of the process. Why does it take a week to print a decree?

Well, something has happened and the court has slowed way down and we're not sure when we'll get a decree or final travel dates. We were given a date of July 20 and told it could be a week or two earlier, but the Bulgarian NGO won't commit to anything until the decree is printed. 

So, we wait. 

There is at least one silver lining in these developments. We will now be able to go on our annual beach trip with Todd's family for some much needed R&R.  Since we've all been working pretty hard with school, work, fundraising, and getting the house ready, it will be nice to have a short vacation. And it's nice to have some breathing room in all the preparations. We could all benefit from slowing down just a little right now. 

The travel delay is not the news we expected or hoped for, but we trust it is part of God's plan for our adoption and that the break will help us prepare more for R and S's arrival.