Orphans

R and S are in two different foster families, not in an orphanage. They live a couple of houses away from each other in the same small village and go to school together. Bulgaria is trying to move children to a foster family model in the hopes of closing orphanages.

Before and during our first trip to Bulgaria, we talked a lot about taking R and S away from everything they know. They are healthy and happy with their foster families - is it the right thing to do to bring them here?

Our translator said something that helped us with the decision - in Bulgaria, foster families are a type of institutional care. It certainly seems to be much better for the children (assuming the foster family is loving), but it's still a temporary place for them. It's not permanent. R's and S's foster families signed papers stating that they do not want to adopt them. So, the kids still feel the uncertainty of not having a permanent family to call their own and parents who will love them and care for them regardless of their behavior or circumstances.

At least 3 Bulgarian couples visited R and S to see if they wanted to adopt them and declined. (This is a requirement in Bulgaria before children can be adopted out of the country.) Just thinking about R and S getting their hopes up when they had 'visitors,' only to never see them again, breaks my heart. I hope they will understand that we will be their parents forever. 

They are getting to the age when it's harder for children to get adopted. Many people want to adopt younger children. The children who age out of the system at age 18 have pretty grim prospects. In Eastern Europe, the girls are often trafficked into prostitution and the boys often end up drawn to a criminal lifestyle. They just aren't given the skills or resources or support to have many options, and are seen as outcasts, especially children of Roma (gypsy) descent.

The orphan care system and adoption process isn't perfect. In a perfect world, these children would be with family who have the means and desire to care for them. But for 153 million kids around the world, that isn't the case. (This is a UN estimate and includes children like R and S who may have a living parent but were abandoned.) 

So, like many things in life, adoption isn't perfect, but it's good. As hard as it is for R and S to leave what they know, we believe they will thrive knowing they have a permanent family and place in the world.

If you are interested in learning more about orphans and abandoned children and how to help them, we recommend a book we discovered: Orphan Justice by Johnny Carr.

About the Children

Well, of course, they are in a four-way tie for cutest, bestest kids in the world with their older brother and sister. But, besides that...

R is six years old and has a very sweet disposition. She tends to be shy and reserved, and hesitant around new experiences. Our translator said she has a mature way of speaking and is very polite and well mannered. During our Skype calls, she tends to hang back a bit - partly because of her shy nature and probably partly because S is not at all shy and likes to have the microphone!

R has a short frenulum linguae, which is just a fancy (Latin?) word for what most people call 'tied-tongue.' We can tell it affects her speech a little bit, but we are not sure if it will be treated with surgery (unlikely) or just some good speech therapy. She's never had speech therapy, so that might help her enough that we don't have to think about other options. 

R is a thinker. During our trip, we could see that she understood why we were there, and our translator confirmed that. After the first day with them, someone asked her a question about her mom and she said, "Do you mean my old mom or my new mom?" We all thought that was pretty profound for a six-year-old.

S is definitely more outgoing than R is. He's five years old (born a little less than 11 months after R), so I'm guessing they might be in the same grade when they eventually go to school. We don't think he really understood why we were visiting him, and hopefully his visits to the child psychologist will help him begin to understand the changes in store for him. He has been with his foster mother since he was 10 months old, so it's going to be quite an adjustment.

S likes his planes, trains, and automobiles. During out trip, we had to go to the local train station to see the train come in. We waited for about 40 minutes, playing with a ball and bubbles until the train finally came. There are some photos we have where S looks pretty worried that the train may not come! We're not sure what he'll do when he sees that there is a train literally right behind our house that goes by several times a day. (We didn't know it was there when we bought the house, but it doesn't take long to not notice it.) It may just be more excitement than he can handle.

S has a really cute laugh when he gets excited. I don't think I can describe it, you'll just have to hear it someday. 

S and R don't live in the same house right now - they are in neighboring foster homes, and they go to Kindergarten (what we would call preschool) together. So living together is going to be something new for both of them, and they don't always get along so well. It seems to be normal sibling behavior, but I think it will be good for them to have an older brother and sister around.

It's cool that even with the language barrier, we feel like we have a handle on their personalities and temperaments. And, we've learned how to say "no fighting" in Bulgarian!

Staying in Touch with Skype

We get to Skype with R and S every Friday morning. It's before work and school for us and early afternoon for them. It's such a blessing to see their cute faces every week and be able to communicate with them...though our Bulgarian needs some work! Fortunately, there is a social worker with them who knows enough English to help us out, and we mostly tell them that we love them, we miss them, they are pretty/handsome, and they are good children. What else do a 5- and 6-year-old really need to know?

R and S have been asking to see "batko M" (big brother M) and "kaka E" (big sister E). Last week, E showed R a Barbie doll and the translator quickly let us know that R does not have any Barbies and would like us to bring her one! And M showed S a model airplane...same story. S would like us to bring him one. So, now I know what to take on our next trip.

R and S call us mom and dad, tell us they love us, and ask us when we are coming to visit again. They are supposed to visit a child psychologist weekly who will help them understand exactly what is going to happen when we come for our next visit and the changes in store for them.

I can't imagine making this transition without the weekly Skype calls. It helps us and them to stay in touch and see each other every week, and I hope it gives the children confidence to know that we ARE coming for them. As we get closer to the travel date, we'll do a video tour of the house and the bedrooms they will share with M and E, so things at least look a little familiar when they get here.