Orphans

R and S are in two different foster families, not in an orphanage. They live a couple of houses away from each other in the same small village and go to school together. Bulgaria is trying to move children to a foster family model in the hopes of closing orphanages.

Before and during our first trip to Bulgaria, we talked a lot about taking R and S away from everything they know. They are healthy and happy with their foster families - is it the right thing to do to bring them here?

Our translator said something that helped us with the decision - in Bulgaria, foster families are a type of institutional care. It certainly seems to be much better for the children (assuming the foster family is loving), but it's still a temporary place for them. It's not permanent. R's and S's foster families signed papers stating that they do not want to adopt them. So, the kids still feel the uncertainty of not having a permanent family to call their own and parents who will love them and care for them regardless of their behavior or circumstances.

At least 3 Bulgarian couples visited R and S to see if they wanted to adopt them and declined. (This is a requirement in Bulgaria before children can be adopted out of the country.) Just thinking about R and S getting their hopes up when they had 'visitors,' only to never see them again, breaks my heart. I hope they will understand that we will be their parents forever. 

They are getting to the age when it's harder for children to get adopted. Many people want to adopt younger children. The children who age out of the system at age 18 have pretty grim prospects. In Eastern Europe, the girls are often trafficked into prostitution and the boys often end up drawn to a criminal lifestyle. They just aren't given the skills or resources or support to have many options, and are seen as outcasts, especially children of Roma (gypsy) descent.

The orphan care system and adoption process isn't perfect. In a perfect world, these children would be with family who have the means and desire to care for them. But for 153 million kids around the world, that isn't the case. (This is a UN estimate and includes children like R and S who may have a living parent but were abandoned.) 

So, like many things in life, adoption isn't perfect, but it's good. As hard as it is for R and S to leave what they know, we believe they will thrive knowing they have a permanent family and place in the world.

If you are interested in learning more about orphans and abandoned children and how to help them, we recommend a book we discovered: Orphan Justice by Johnny Carr.