Naomi and Simon have both done a great job learning English, both in understanding us at home and in being able to express themselves. If I stop to think about it, it was really very brave of them to go to school after only being with us a month. The school here is much different than their preschool in Bulgaria, and they were thrown into an environment where they had to get along in English. I think about what I would do in a similar situation - it must have been exhausting and frustrating for them but they have done well, worked hard, and enjoy going to school.
There are only a few words they still say in Bulgarian, and mostly just out of habit. They know the English but I guess it's just easier to use Bulgarian. Words like: I love you, Look!, Dangerous, Broken. Actually - those were some of the words Todd and I used a lot when we first met them!
They are both speaking in sentences and phrases now and one of their favorites is, "You don't understand me!" They will ask for something - Halloween candy before breakfast; watch Sponge Bob before school in the morning; go outside right this minute, not in 5 minutes - that kind of thing. When I tell them, "no," they say, "You don't understand me!" and I say, "Yes, I do understand you, but I'm telling you no."
It's kind of cute, but it got me thinking. Naomi and Simon have mastered elementary English as far as making their basic needs known, telling us about their day, expressing themselves, and words they need to play. But we really don't understand them. We don't understand all they've been through; we don't understand what it feels like to be abandoned; we don't understand living with the uncertainty of whether or not the people who take care of you will abandon you again, or send you somewhere else to live, or be nice to you, or love you, or remember your birthday.
And until they feel safe, and get a little older, and learn even more English so they can express some of that to us, it's hard for us to understand and help them work through their feelings. All we can do right now is provide a home and a family where they can begin to feel safe, have their needs met, and feel love. I need to remind myself of all they've been through and lower my expectations of them at times.
I need to remember that when they ask for yet another snack, or piece of paper, or something to be stapled (they love staples), what they are really asking is: will she take care of me? will she love me? will she understand me?
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