My Village

Two weeks ago we had a visit from the social worker who did our home study. Bulgaria requires post-adoption reports at three, six, 12, 18, and 24 months after the children arrive home.

We really enjoy the visits with our social worker. She is very knowledgeable about the issues adopted children and families face in their first months and years at home and always has good suggestions and ideas for us. She will get to know Naomi and Simon well over the next two years as she follows and documents their journey and will be a great source of help to us.

This got me thinking about how great our support system is. In addition to our home study social worker, we have a social worker at our placing agency (the actual 'adoption agency' who facilitates everything with Bulgaria) whose only job is to offer post-adoption support to families who have adopted children from Bulgaria. She is an adoptive mom herself and I've had a couple of very long conversations with her that have been helpful and insightful.

I also started thinking of all the adoptive moms I know who I could call at anytime for advice. There were close to 10. Other moms who know what we're going through and can offer specific advice or just say, "I know, I've been there." In addition to those adoptive moms, there are just as many other friends who would be willing to help in any way they could - friends who brought meals, hand-me-down clothes, drove the big kids to activities, etc. 

The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" became popular when Hillary Clinton wrote a book with that title and it may or may not be a loose translation of an African proverb. It seems that when I hear it most often, people are lamenting the loss of the village mentality. 

It's true that now many people don't live in the same town (or state) as their parents and people tend to keep to themselves more in neighborhoods. But - you can make your own village - it just takes some work, being open and vulnerable, and admitting you need help. (Not always easy for this independent-minded girl.)

I know some people who are in the 'waiting' phase of adoption read this blog, and I just want to encourage you to make a village. Or even if you are home already with adopted children. Ask for help. Find other adoptive moms and have coffee. Tell people how hard it is and think of specific ways they can help you. We are not meant to go it alone, your village is eager to help.